A Balanced Diet Is A Cupcake in Each Hand {Celebrity Post}

My name is Mindy and I am a certified personal trainer and group exercise instructor.  When you read that you probably already got an image in your head what I may look like.  Well she is a personal trainer; she must be thin, lots of muscles, and very in shape.  Not necessarily.  Why you ask?  I have an addiction……..It’s called FOOOOD!  And no I am not talking about “food” like veggies and salads.  I am talking about a big ‘ol fat juicy steak or hamburger, with a side of onion rings and finished off with a big ‘ol piece of cheesecake…………. Or any cake will do.    

 

I will get on a kick; I am going to eat clean.  I have many fitness friends that “eat clean” all the time.  They rave about it, “I love clean eating!”  I on the other hand am taking a bite of my tuna with lettuce and tomato and all I can think is “these people are complete morons!  Do they love clean eating because they have never tasted real food before?!”

It is one of the hardest things to do.  It’s a lot of work, a lot of dedication, a lot of extra preparation time.  I get tired just thinking about it.  It’s great to see the results but come on…………

Seriously one of the hardest things for me is trying to eat healthy meals and still serve meals my whole family will eat.  It just doesn’t happen.  I will end up making two separate meals for the day.  I feel like a little kid being punished for misbehaving, when I sit down to the table with a grilled chicken salad and my family is eating a big greasy piece of pizza.

So obviously that doesn’t work well for me.  The next thing I tell myself is, “well why don’t you eat healthy meals twice a day and then just eat whatever for dinner?!?!”  It’s better than not eating healthy at all right? WRONG!!! Well for me at least.  I do so well all day and then it’s like…………….. Give me everything that I didn’t eat all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what’s a girl to do?  Really?  Be unhappy and eat rabbit food, or get so obese that I cannot get out of my bed?  Neither is an option for me.  You are not going to see me on the next episode of My 600-lb Life!!! That’s why I am constantly at the gym.  Sometimes, lately, twice a day.  I have come to the realization that I will never look like Jillian Michaels or Kate Upton, but I will be the best version of me that’s possible!  If my husband loves me like I am, and if I can love me for me, well then I am one happy girl.  These are some of the jokes at our house…………

 

  

In all seriousness, you can’t just eat whatever you want and be healthy.  But you can also make lifestyle changes that give you the opportunity to indulge in those foods you like.  You can eat whole grain bread instead of white bread, brown rice instead of white rice, turkey bacon instead of regular bacon……….WHAT??  Ok, never touch the bacon……….. That’s just one of those foods you eat and like it because it’s NOT HEALTHY!  So forget about it.

 

My favorite story is when a lady borrowed my calico bean recipe.  It has hamburger, bacon, five kinds of beans, brown sugar, and white sugar......... you name it and it’s in there.  And it’s delicious!  We arrive at her house and she says “I made your beans, but I made them healthy, but they don’t seem to taste the same.  Maybe you can try them and tell me what I did wrong?”  I had to stand there and gag down the worst tasting beans ever, and then politely say “Some foods just taste good because they are not healthy.  Period.” 

So as for me, I will enjoy the foods I want.  I will not enjoy them all the time, but in moderation.  I will instruct others on how to take care of their bodies, and I will give them information on what their bodies need, but I will never tell them not to enjoy what they like.  If you want a chocolate bar one day…… give it to yourself.  If you are at the point in your life that you are actually worrying about it, well you probable deserve one now and then.

 

So if you are struggling with your diet, I encourage you……….. Love yourself and don’t deprive yourself.  Portion control and moderation, that’s the key.  If you want that occasional glass of wine; go for it.  Stay active, go for a walk, and go to a boot camp class (which I teach btw).  There are ways to take care of yourself without being unhappy.  Check out my website www.meformefitness.com or visit me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/meformefitnesswithmindy . I can give you advice on what changes you can make and still be a happy girl (or guy).  Just remember to love yourself.  It’s the only version of you that you can have in this life.  When you learn to love yourself, you will then learn how to better yourself. 

 

Before I am done, one more fact about bacon…………….

National Basic White Girl Day!

Today marks the first day of fall for 2015 so we all now know what that means; it’s the season of Uggs, scarves, leggings/ yoga pants, sock buns and if you’re a basic white girl, ALL THINGS PUMPKIN.

When fall time comes, I've never really had a reason to decorate, I've tried, but it just never seems to work for me. Whether it be the time, lack of interest, or yeah, probably lack of interest. This year I have kids thought, so for them, I am going to play along. Do the whole thing. Decorate, costumes for Halloween, apple orchards for cider, carving of the pumpkins, roasting pumpkin seeds, etc.
But even as I'm typing this, in my head I'm thinking. ,  "Ha. Who am I kidding? I am a  burnt out single mother of 2 under 16 months. Ain't nobody got time for that." So while I'm starting off the season with high hopes, here's what will more than likely actually happen.

So all of you Fall loving basic white girls, I WILL BE LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU. So try not to consume so much pumpkin, cause that crap is awful.

Have I actually tried most of the pumpkin flavored things? No. But that's because I can't get the idea that it all tastes like play dough out of my head. I actually can't believe how many good things they've taken and turned into basic white girl heaven!

-Pumpkin Oreos

-Pumpkin Vodka

-Pumpkin Beer

-Pumpkin Body Scrubs

-Pumpkin Pop tarts

Seriously, What's next?

You know, its bad enough that when I'm standing in line behind someone a coffee establishment, I can't understand what in the H-E- Double Hockey Sticks someone is orderings and I always feel bad for the barista. I think people who can order a coffee at those places can speak an entirely different language.

"Yes, I speak 3 languages fluently: English, Sarcasm and Starbucks."

Meanwhile......

I AM PAUL RUDD IN A COFFEE SHOP.

I just think you're all confused. Case and point, I have the same argument with my sister non stop (You know who you are). She likes her coffee "black" but with a little creamer in it. THEN ITS NOT BLACK. I tease her about it relentlessly. "I like my pizza plain. But with a little pepperoni on it". Clearly she's confused and clearly I am going to die for telling this story. But the world needs to know.

BLACK COFFEE IS BLACK.

Tonight, I'm leaving you with a little homework assignment, after posting a selfie with your favorite basic white girl drink to our twitter @WalkingMombiee, of course.

Don't forget to report back!



Mind your own Tits! {Celebrity Post}

Following our theme on the blog for the next few weeks "FE+MALE= IRON MAN"  and the empowerment of women, here's to our first of (hopefully) many celebrity posts:

 I am constantly being criticized for feeding my child.

Yes, you read that right. 

 

I feed my baby!

 

 

Crazy, right? I face this backlash for the simple fact that

I choose to feed my baby from my breasts.

 

 

Over time, female breasts have become extremely sexualized. While they are great assets that contribute to our romantic endeavors, that is not their primary purpose.

 

 

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but female breasts exist purely to feed our children. When I go to feed my child, the furthest thing from my mind is how “hot” I look to those around me while I offer my leaking boob to my screaming child. I can assure you that it is not attractive to either party. Anyone with the perverted misconception that it is a sexual act to gain pleasure from probably shouldn't be around any children to begin with.

 

 

Breast milk is the most perfect food for your baby. That statement shouldn’t be offensive simply because it is a fact. There is nothing man-made that can compare to the nourishment of human breast milk.  That being said, a common misconception is that breastfeeding mama’s look down upon those that choose to formula feed. As long as your baby is fed, that is all that matters.

 

 

 

 I nurse my daughter because it's free, I'm lazy, and I hardly miss out on any sleep!

 

Breastfeeding came easy to me and that's one of the many reasons I chose to stick with it. I feel proud of the fact that my body is able to solely sustain my baby’s life. 

 

 

Mothers often face ridicule for their choice, but they also deal with ridiculous “solutions” that some believe make breast feeding more “acceptable”. Nursing mothers are often directed to the bathroom in order to feed their children or are told to use a cover. Do you think you would enjoy a meal in a public restroom? I’m seriously doubtful. It’s disgusting, smelly, and extremely unsanitary.

 

 

And please, try eating with something covering your head and let me know how well that works for you. Some feel the need to ask, “Why don't you just pump or bring a bottle of formula?”

 

 

This is so frustrating because the person sharing this idea obviously doesn’t realize how much more work pumping involves. And if I wanted to give my child formula, I wouldn't be breastfeeding. Again, this is because I have her best interests at heart, not yours merely because you can't keep yourself from staring. So I will not go out of my way to do these things to make YOU more comfortable.

 

 

 

I am a such a huge advocate for breastfeeding, because it is natural and the best food you can give to your baby. Again, that is a fact. I want people to become more aware of the benefits (for baby AND mama)!

 

 I want them to understand that nursing is something to be proud of! You are nourishing your baby, you are the sole reason they are growing and thriving! And that is something to be proud of, mama! When I post photos of me nursing my youngest, it's not to show off my breasts, but I am trying to get your attention. Why? Because I want to NORMALIZE breastfeeding. I want people to be able to walk by a mother nursing her child and not give it a second thought. The fact that I receive more animosity for feeding my child than a woman does while wearing a bikini is ludicrous.

 

 

The hypocrisy in our culture absolutely amazes me. It is my sincerest hope that we can one day live in a society where breast feeding is universally accepted.

 

But until that happens, if you don't like it, don't look!

 

 

At the end of the day, all mama’s want the same thing;

                            Happy babies and some wine.

Ps. Mind your own tits!

 

 

Written By Amber E.

Amber is happily married to Sargent Quentin of the USMC and the mother to two adorable little girls, Rylee (almost 3) and Harlee (6.5 months). She is a strong breastfeeding advocate, she enjoys eating food without having to share and the glamorous luxury of showering by herself. But since those moments to herself are few and far in between, Amber loves spending her time at the pool or the park with her family.

 

 

 

 

FE+Male= Iron Man

Women are strong. Women HAVE to be. Pregnancy, childbirth, raising children, raising spouses, plucking, shaving, dying, bleaching, blow drying, straightening, high heels, crazy emotions, the list goes on. Men, what do they have to be strong for? Getting kicked in the balls?

 

I once heard that the definition behind the word “Woman/Women” comes from a warning to the male race. “Woah, man/men”.  A beware! Pfshhhhhh.

We know men are weaker, why do think we let them make all of the decisions? Not because we’re too weak to make them ourselves, but because we want to make sure that they’re going to be committed enough to stick to the choice. Think about it. Proposing? Why do we let the man make the decision on whether they want to be with us for the rest of their life? We don’t. We know we want to be with them otherwise we wouldn’t be. We just have to wait for them to think they’re making the choice because that way they'll be more likely to honor it. They’re like a wild animal. They need to be approached slowly or otherwise, they bolt.

They say that women are difficult to understand and that there’s no way to know what we’re thinking. False.  We are just far too superior for their little minds.

 

We took the time to get to know their habits, understand their fears, and nurse their wounds. Us? They haven’t stopped being wrapped up in themselves long enough yet to even begin to understand how simple we are.

 

I’ve come to notice something as the years have passed, my ex husband always said I never made a decision and that he always had to, but honestly, the only decision I’ve ever seen him make is that I should be the one to make the choices. Case and point, when trying to find some place to eat. He would ask me where we should go, I would usually always respond with, “I don’t care where. You know me, I love food. I can find something anywhere. Plus, I chose last time.” To which he almost always followed that up with, “No, don’t lie. I chose that time. You have to choose this time because you never make the decision.” So then I make the choice only to have this exact conversation the next time it came to choosing where to go… or pretty much any other decision in our lives.

Can I get an “amen”, ladies?

Women are considered equals, but yet we’re required to do more. We now have to be mothers, are expected to work a 40 work week, clean the house, make sure dinner is cooked at a decent time every night, that the man has clean clothes, and that we’re giving enough sex- the good kind, not just simply being there, but the “blow job every night” kind. Oh, we are also expected to keep ourselves in shape as well as have ourselves looking amazing, but not too made up (because didn’t you know, men like the ‘natural look’) every single day too.

Heaven forbid that he helped out on the weekends either. I mean, he’s “been at work all week and would just really like to enjoy the down time” probably to lounge around in his boxers, scratching his gonads and waiting for you to bring him food on top of being his beer bitch. Not paying attention to the fact that you ALSO worked all week (whether at a job or being a stay at home mom, because let’s be honest, that shits tough!). Am I right?

 

 

While a man makes more at his job that his FEMALE secretary usually does everything for him. Women are expected to work harder because we apparently have something to prove to the men, that we are able to carry our own work loads. But in turn, we end up working circles around these men. I’ll bet that when you receive a raise from your male boss for working your ARSE off, jokes are made behind your back about all of the sexual favors you had to perform to receive the promotion you DESERVED to cover the fact that they’re butt hurt about being shown up by a WOMAN!

 

 

Yup, because we SPIT in them!

So as of now, I am declaring the next few weeks #LikeAGirl over here on the Mombie!  I will be having Guest Bloggers speaking on topics ranging from exercise, breast feeding, what its like to work in a predominantly male career, etc! If you're interested in writing a guest post, please do not hesitate to let me know! Wiles.kailei@gmail.com - IG: TheWalkingMombiee. I cannot wait to get these next few weeks rolling!

In the mean time, Mombies....
 

 

Chesticles ( . ) ( . )

Cadillac Bumper Bullets, Love Apples, Tig ol’ Bitties, Knockers, Meat Puppets, Gedoinkers, Dairy Section.... In case you haven’t guessed what I am referring to by now, its BOOBS.

 

You know, the lumps of tissue that hang off of a woman’s chest that a man never quite gets over and that women compare in size to another woman’s to make themselves feel better or worse about themselves. Apparently having them is considered to be some sort of magic power

Well, speaking as someone who has been “blessed” with giant knockers since my 14^th birthday, THEY'RE NOT. Here are just a few reasons why:

 

 

1.     There’s usually more sweat between my yabos than anywhere else on my entire body.

 

 

2.     I don’t think I’ve eaten a single meal in my entire like that my breasts haven’t eaten more of.

              

 

3.      Larger sized bras are EXPENSIVE and usually ugly. I can pretty much bet that when I see a cute bra at the store that they stop at D’s.

Not to mention that mine differ drastically in size... like 1.5 cups different, to be exact. So please explain to me how I am not only supposed to find a bra that is bigger than the average size, but one that will also not eat my small boob alive and yet keep my large one in place?

While we’re on the topic of bras, have you seen what is passing for one now a days?

 



Personally, I like not having to wear one. I am like the big bad wolf when it comes to putting one on; I huff and I puff and hope to find a way to get out of whatever bra wearing task I have to accomplish.

 

MEN WEAR BRAS FOR A WEEK

 4. Exercising is HARD. PAINFUL. NOT WORTH IT.

By the time I “strap” these ladies down, I’ve got on a regular bra, 2 sports bras and sometimes even an ace bandage and yet they STILL have a mind of their own!

I mean, Katy Perry gets it

 

 

5. BACK PAIN. Enough said.

Side Note: Just in case you were wondering, Annie Hawkins-Turner has the world’s largest natural breasts on record. They measure 70 inches around, 43 inches under, and would technically be supported in a 48V bra, if they made that size.

 

 

If men were allowed to have BOOBS

What would they do?

 

They would make every woman get a third... and then a fourth. Because, why stop at two?!

 

Not to say that we women don't find them to be a distraction either....

 

Of course there's the bad too... Sometimes my big ol' mammary glands get in the way and then suddenly I know what a T-Rex feels like

 

Women, lets take a vote:

 

Do we view a man's boobs to be as sensual as they view ours?

 

 

Here's a little trick for the next time you catch a man staring at your chesticles. Because lets face it, with boobs big or small, men stare at them all.

 

For now, I'm going to leave you with a disturbing list of a few celebrities, male and female, that have more than two breasts/ nipples!

1. Lilly Allen
   
    
2. 
   
   Harry Styles - He actually has FOUR
   
3. Carrie Underwood 
   
4. And last but not least, Mark Wahlberg
   

 

 

 

 

Sources:

- http://www.buzzfeed.com/kimberleydadds/7-celebrities-who-are-in-the-triple-nipple-club

- http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/boob-truth-talk#.itMmzkGEx1