Cinco De Mayo and Kids = Alcohol Free

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

Now, for those of you who have no idea what this holiday represents, no worries. I don't either. In the years past I have always just known it as a holiday that I usually didn't remember... Because of tequila....

and let me tell you, bad choices were made...

BUT this year is different (so were the past two, but since I was super pregnant the one and had a new born AND an 11 month old last year, who had time to celebrate ANYTHING?). This year is different because my kids are old enough to participate.... aka notice when I have something and they don't.

My answer to that?

Thats right. I said it. ALCOHOL FREE margaritas.

No worries, make extra, save it for later and then add your poison of choice after that magic hour comes-- BEDTIMMEEE

What You'll Need:

-Blender

-Fruit

-Ice 

-Juice

STEP 1

Cut up your fruit. 

We used frozen strawberries because, well, I had them and lucky for us that we did, because after getting everything around and grabbing the ice tray, I realized that it was empty. In the freezer. Thanks, Mombie Brain.

(we used strawberries, lime juice, tangerines, frozen grapes- not pictured-  and white peaches. No specific reason on any of these choices, they just simply what I had in the fruit basket at the time)

STEP 2

Add it all to the blender. Obviously I needed D's steady hand to make sure the job was done correctly. 

 

STEP 3

Add your juice. 

Because we are a SUPER health conscious family who only eats organic (HA), we use Juicy Juice. Flavor: Apple Raspberry, again, because its what we had on hand.

STEP 4

MIX THOSE SUCKERS UP!!*

*Side Note: my son LOVES the margaritas, but he is TERRIFIED of the blender, So being the awesome mom that I am, I laugh and take a picture, duh.

STEP 5

Serve 'em up! I got these adorable, no leak, glass milk jugs from the $ section at Target! 2/$3. You can't beat it. I LOVE them!

 

KID APPROVED!

The Lazy Girl's Beauty Guide pt1

Let's face it, if there was an award for being the laziest, I would more than likely win it.... and then someone else to go pick it up for me.

So, obviously when it comes to my beauty, I'm no different. Before I had kids, the amount of time I spent getting ready was ridiculous. By the time I showered, let my hair air dry for a bit so that blow drying it wouldn't take an hour, blow dried, straightened and pinned up my hair. Then did my 7 layers of primer, foundation, powder and bronzer, blush, eye shadow, liner, and 15 coats of mascara... I felt like I had lost most of the day. But to be honest, I didn't do much with my day, so that fact did't matter to me. Now, I'm lucky if I'm able to brush my teeth and throw on some brown eye liner in the 2.5 seconds I can afford to dedicate to my "beauty" routine. Also, when I say "afford", I mean, that I am a severe cheap ass who CANNOT justify spending loads of money on products either. I have a hard enough time spending $6 on my drug store mascara that I only buy every couple of months. 

So I have found my own tips and tricks to make drug store and dollar store make up work to my advantage!

Due to the lack of time and energy that I get to spend on myself, I have developed some pretty fool proof ways to get shiznit done. Now remember, before you say, "ewwwww", just remember, I am a single mama of two babies ages 1 and under. And while I realize that I am not the only one in this situation and that there are others who "have it worse", that doesn't change the fact that I am tired (and lazy) when it comes to taking care of me. My kids do not nap at the same time, they do not eat at the same time, they're up randomly throughout the night. My daughter has a gluten sensitivity and both of my kids are lactose intolerant. So on the rare occasion that I DO get a moment to myself, the LAST thing I want to do is dye my hair, shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, paint my nails, etc. What I really want to do (and more times than not end up doing) is a "netflix and chill" session with a bowl of alcohol and a cup of junk food (yes, you read that correctly).

So here you have it, 
The Lazy Girl's Beauty Guide 101:

1. Shaving your legs less : In the shower when you're shaving your legs they're all smooth and silky... and then you have to rise your conditioner out. Which causes goose bumps, which causes your hair to grow back... There's almost nothing worse that getting out of the shower and applying moisturizer to your freshly shaven legs just to have them be picky again. So, here's the trick: at the moment you are getting the goosebumps, shave again! I have super sensitive skin, so to shave on anything other than a well lathered leg is a guarantee that I'm going to be getting razor burn, BUT I shave my legs, then use that bubbly loofah to exfoliate my entire body. Then I start rinsing off my shoulders first, which stimulated to goosebumps AND leaves you soapy enough to still shave my legs as the suds run down your body. Boom, smooth legs that last for at least a day longer.

2. Longer time between washing your hair : I've never been one to jump on the Dry Shampoo band wagon. Mainly because I have dark hair and I hate the feeling on products in my hair. But also, I felt that it left my hair feeling dirtier than it was before I applied it. So, here's the trick: Shampoo your hair twice and condition once. The first shampoo washes off the past build up and the second one washes the existing oils out and purifies your hair, that's why the second time your hair will be sudsier. BUT when you are conditioning, only apply it about 2 inches from your scalp and down and let it sit in your hair while you shave your legs and lady bits. When you get out of the shower, give a little more care to your roots when combing your hair and try not to use your hands as much as possible. Your skin carried natural oils (also any residue from applying moisturizer) that can transfer to your hair. Same goes for the day to day, the more you play with your hair, the more oil you transfer. I can usually go about a week in between my washing by applying these techniques.

3. Styling your unwashed hair : There are a few ways that you can go about doing this. Of course the most famous and the one that we love the best is The Mombie bun! But if you're feeling a little fancier than that, you can always tease it with a front twist or tease and use a headband to push it back (I used my own hair in a braid as the headband in the picture below). Dirtier hair holds a tease better! This is my all time favorite go-to hairstyle when I want to actually do something with myself. Examples:

 

In both of these photos, it had been about a week since I had washed my hair!

4. Baby wipesssss : whether you have kids or not, you're missing out if you use anything other than baby wipes in your beauty routine. I use them to clean my brushes, take off my make up, wash my hands after applying makeup. Gosh, I use them for everything like cleaning my car, kids, house, bathroom, excessive make up and horribly drawn on eyebrows found on a women's face while in public...... 

They're cheap and gentle on your skin. There are even organic and alcohol free. Plus, they take off waterproof makeup without the struggle and do not leave the oil residue.Plus, they can do all of that without drying out your skin or breaking your lashes! I mean, we've all been there a time or two when we've forgotten that we have make up on and then this happens....

Bet you wished you had a wipe on you then!

Post To Be Continued...

Mombie Bun Confession #1

We're all sleep deprived.

We all wear mom buns.

We all need an outlet.

So, recently we've branched out onto social media- Instagram:

@MombieBunConfession

((Head on over there and give us a "follow"))

For today's post, it only seems appropriate that we share some of the confessions that we've had submitted by our fellow mombies from all over the world! We will also be featuring their IG names, so if you like their confession, feel free to look them up and give them a "follow"!

Mombie Bun Confession from @msjasonmiller : ||the higher the bun the closer to heaven therefore better the mom, it's a scientific fact ||

Mombie Bun Confession from @sarahyostie : When my husband watches our twin girls while I go run errands, I tell him I'll hurry back. But really I take my time. I mean, really take my time. I get McDonalds, park somewhere and eat it. ALONE. QUIET. In peace and with no interruption. 

Mombie Bun Confession from @jess_indykenlee : Ok I think I'm more excited about The big red man coming then my little twin is!

Mombie Bun Confession from @aliciamariewallace : I always said I would never be that SAHM who didn't wear makeup & wore pjs all day. Reality check: now I only put on makeup if I'm leaving the house & totally consider leggings as pants. Lesson learned! Don't judge motherhood til you've been there

Mombie Bun Confession from @shayheff1 : I drink wine in the shower

Mombie Bun Confession from @tjd87 : I tel my kids they can't have a cookie because it's 8am. And when they're not looking I scarf down three or four

Mombie Bun Confession from @raising_acamas : I sometimes pretend I have to go to the bathroom to get away but my baby always finds me d:

Mombie Bun Confession from @beauty_by_jd : Sometimes I take the last snack or piece of candy and hide from the kids in the bathroom! Lol. 

Don't worry! No one in judging you here!

HUGE shout out to all of ournMombies for the submissions of their photos and confessions!

*Think you'd like to be featured?

Tag us in your photo @MombieBunConfession or DM us your photo and confession or email them to us at Wiles.Kailei@gmail.com!

I used to be the perfect parent... and then I had kids.

You know what really tweaks my melons? 

When someone tells me how raise MY kids.

 In particular, when the parent's own children act like the spawn of Satan.

But my absolute favorite parents are the ones without kids. Yup, you read that correctly. I try to take their advice with a grain of salt because in my past life, I was QUEEN of kid-less parenting. I had a solution to every issue you could possible encounter as a parent. Ask anyone, I was the BEST.

• Your child was acting out? 

1. Take their toys away.
2. Swat them on the rear
3. (Age dependent) Give them chores

• If your children didn't listen, it was because you weren't being consistent enough

To me, there was NO excuse to have a child that didn't mind well. I don't know if it was the way I was raised (tough love) or if it was because I knew how I wanted my children to act and I thought all children responded the same way to a certain type of discipline. I thought that if you didn't spank your child, you were being too soft on them. I mean, spanking worked so well on my hypothetical children, so why wouldn't it work on your human kids? Sheesh.

Then the good Lord blessed me with a real live baby.... And not only did he bless with me a baby, but he blessed me with two... 11 months apart. And boy, LET ME TELL YOU.

My first one, a boy, had gastric issues. No one would listen to me, so he screamed A LOT as a baby. Eventually he outgrew them and he weaned himself off of the bottle at 9 months. He is a VERY head strong little boy. He learned to sit up at 3 months, to stand at 6 months and was running by 9. His mind is still always developing faster than his little body is. Therefore, we aren't strangers to melt downs. I like to call them his "Disney princess" moments. 

He climbs on everything. He gets into everything. He watches me do something once (like open the child lock on medications) and he can do it himself immediately afterwards. This child is going to be the death of me because he IS going to give me a heart attack. 

D has a combination of mine and his father's worst traits: my "You can tell me this is going to end badly, but I have to experience it for myself" and his dad's adrenaline seeking gene. So, needless to say, D has to climb and fall, open and get in trouble, get into and make a mess of something 9 or 10 times before he believes that it isn't going to work out or that he will consistently be disciplined. THEN, to top all of that off, he responds negatively to negative punishment. IT LITERALLY DOESN'T WORK. So, my entire "guide to being the perfect parent" is about as useful as a giving a steak to a vegetarian. 

Don't even get me started on my daughter. My hypothetical daughter was always dressed up in a cute outfit. complete with a matching headband and shoes. She had her ears pierced and always her toe nails painted. Now, my real life, human daughter, well, she has NONE of those things. Mainly because I am terrified to take her out in public. 

Why, you might ask? Dear Lord have mercy... She screams NON STOP. I have done everyyyythingggggg- Massages, chiropractor, acid meds, teething meds, colic meds, changing formula (soy and hypoallergenic), changing her diaper brand, wipes, etc. NOTHING WORKS. 

Being an amazing hypothetical parent really set me up to fail when it came to doing the real thing.

So I'm here to tell you a few of the things no one tells someone who is about to become a parent.

-NO, birth is NOT a beautiful thing. Its oozy and goozy and your  postpartum belly will feel like a waterbed 

-NO you will not instantly forget all of the pain you just went through when you see their little face 

-If your child claims it, its theirs. It doesn't matter that it was your last bite, only bite, favorite food. 

-Think of the most annoying song you've ever heard, that's now all your child wants to listen to

-Basically, YOUR CHILD(REN) OWN YOUUUUUU

- Oh, and HIDE EVERYTHING BECAUSE....

And possibly the most important piece of information you can be given as a parent:

Bad days happen. 

You'll get frustrated more than normal, the kids will act out when you are the store, some days only think you will be able to get them to eat will be string cheese and fruit snacks.... But that doesn't make you a bad Mombie.  REPEAT AFTER ME: 

"I am a good Mombie (or Dadcula) and I'm just having a bad day." 

End of story. 

Just to prove you're not alone, I'm adding a hilarious video I stumbled a crossed that shows the inner dialog of parents most days from The Gabbie Show on YouTube

I like to ask myself a question towards the end of the day, every day. "Did I love you enough today?" and if I can't honestly answer that question with a strong "yes", then I spend the rest of my night dedicated to my kids. It doesn't matter that I meant to spend that time washing dishes, folding laundry, watching my shows, playing on my phone to relax- that time is now for my kids. 

I NEVER want them to think that I am too busy to get on the floor and rough house with them, to have a tea party with them, to simply sit down and watch a show or give them my undivided attention without my phone in my hand.

And last but not least, here's a tip for the future that you can thank me for later:

So basically, teach your children how to to make a mean cocktail starting a young age, like 2. You'll have your own personal bartender AND it will also look good on their future resumes.

You're welcome.

How I think you should raise your child(ren)

I’ve noticed that there has been quite a bit of controversy lately over how a person should or should not raise their child(ren).  I’m not sure if that’s the way it’s always been and I’m just noticing it now because I have children or if it is a newer topic. But either way, here is how I feel you should raise your children:

ANY WAY YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.

As long as your child(ren) are well and safe, who is someone else to say that your way is wrong?

I grew up with a very strong willed and narrow minded mother, which was both a blessing and a curse. She was decisive and always got what she wanted and needed. But the curse came out when it came for her children (my parent have 8) to form an opinion of their own, because that wasn’t allowed. We were raised in more of an old fashioned way. We were brought up with strong Christian rules and that was just the way it was. My mother stayed at home with us children; she also was a home birth midwife who 100% stood behind breastfeeding. She was anti vaccination, anti sugar, anti caffeine, anti pants, anti bathing suits, anti public schools, (catching my drift?) which led to raising some very narrow minded children.

I was the worst. I went along with her beliefs blindly because that was the way I was brought up. I didn’t have children of my own yet, of course. So when my older sister became a mom in high school, I thought it was the end of the world for her. When my next sister drank caffeine while pregnant, had her baby IN A HOSPITAL with an epidural and then later on decided to use formula, oh my gosh, I couldn’t even wrap my head around that.

But then this crazy thing happened, I GOT PREGNANT. And guess what? I drank caffeine during my pregnancy. It was actually “prescribed” to me by my midwife to help with my migraines. I moved out of state at 37 weeks pregnant, so I didn’t get to have my midwife. Not only did I have my son in a HOSPITAL, 18 hours into my 31+ hour labor, I opted for an EPIDURAL (whaaaaaaa?!)!

I have PCOS and endometriosis, which lead to my milk never coming in. So guess who also had to use formula? That’s right, this Mombie. When it came time to vaccinate, I opted out of all of them. Except for the Vitamin K shot, they wouldn’t circumcise him unless he had it. (My parents didn’t circumcise my brothers. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, so I left the decision up to my husband. He’s circumcised so he decided to get our son circumcised as well.) Well, when my son was about 4 months whooping cough was in the area, so after doing my research, I decided to get him the DTAP. When he was 15 months, I decided to get him the MMR because Measles was popping up in the area. Later when my daughter was born, I opted to get her the same vaccines. Now I know that everyone has their own opinions on vaccines and to this day, I am pretty sure that I am the only one of my siblings who has gotten their child(ren) vaccinated so far (I Have 4 siblings, boy and girl, who do not have children yet). And you know what? That’s okay. Because I did what I thought was best for my children and they’re doing what they feel is best for theirs!

Some mombies breastfeed because it’s easier, some might because it’s healthier or maybe because someone told them to. Other mombies use formula because their milk never came in or maybe because it’s easier. Some parents never give their children sugar because they feel that it is unhealthy for them. Some parents see nothing wrong with it in moderation.Some parents vaccinate. Some do not. Some parents dress their children gender specific, others might let their children decide for themselves. Some parents let their children watch TV and play on the internet. Some may allow them only a certain amount of time with electronics or none at all. Some parents might let their babies/ chidren cry it out. Others could think of it as counterproductive to a child’s upbringing and never let their child(ren) cry. Some parents choose to co-sleep while other parents let their child sleep in their own room. Some parents choose to feed their children homemade meals and others feel that fast food, eating out or meals from a box are totally okay.

But the cool thing about all of that is, ITS OKAY TO MAKE THE CHOICE FOR YOUSELF and for YOUR children. 

Do your research and make educated decisions. Make sure your child isn’t being harmed. Make sure your child is healthy and then RAISE THEM AS YOU PLEASE. That’s why they’re your children! If we were all meant to raise our children the same, we would be called “robots” instead of “humans”.

So Mombies (and Dadsters), raise your children how you see fit. But please please PLEASE raise them to be respectable adults capable of making good decisions and bring them up to be a responsible addition to society!

Just do your best and let them go. The rest is up to them!

National Basic White Girl Day!

Today marks the first day of fall for 2015 so we all now know what that means; it’s the season of Uggs, scarves, leggings/ yoga pants, sock buns and if you’re a basic white girl, ALL THINGS PUMPKIN.

When fall time comes, I've never really had a reason to decorate, I've tried, but it just never seems to work for me. Whether it be the time, lack of interest, or yeah, probably lack of interest. This year I have kids thought, so for them, I am going to play along. Do the whole thing. Decorate, costumes for Halloween, apple orchards for cider, carving of the pumpkins, roasting pumpkin seeds, etc.
But even as I'm typing this, in my head I'm thinking. ,  "Ha. Who am I kidding? I am a  burnt out single mother of 2 under 16 months. Ain't nobody got time for that." So while I'm starting off the season with high hopes, here's what will more than likely actually happen.

So all of you Fall loving basic white girls, I WILL BE LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU. So try not to consume so much pumpkin, cause that crap is awful.

Have I actually tried most of the pumpkin flavored things? No. But that's because I can't get the idea that it all tastes like play dough out of my head. I actually can't believe how many good things they've taken and turned into basic white girl heaven!

-Pumpkin Oreos

-Pumpkin Vodka

-Pumpkin Beer

-Pumpkin Body Scrubs

-Pumpkin Pop tarts

Seriously, What's next?

You know, its bad enough that when I'm standing in line behind someone a coffee establishment, I can't understand what in the H-E- Double Hockey Sticks someone is orderings and I always feel bad for the barista. I think people who can order a coffee at those places can speak an entirely different language.

"Yes, I speak 3 languages fluently: English, Sarcasm and Starbucks."

Meanwhile......

I AM PAUL RUDD IN A COFFEE SHOP.

I just think you're all confused. Case and point, I have the same argument with my sister non stop (You know who you are). She likes her coffee "black" but with a little creamer in it. THEN ITS NOT BLACK. I tease her about it relentlessly. "I like my pizza plain. But with a little pepperoni on it". Clearly she's confused and clearly I am going to die for telling this story. But the world needs to know.

BLACK COFFEE IS BLACK.

Tonight, I'm leaving you with a little homework assignment, after posting a selfie with your favorite basic white girl drink to our twitter @WalkingMombiee, of course.

Don't forget to report back!