“Anyone can have a child and call themselves a “parent”.
A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and
wants."
And right here and now, I call BULLSHITTTTTTT.
Lets start this blog off by posting a few parenting basics:
- No two children are parented the same way
- Each parent has the right to choose what the best way to raise their child is
- Pizza IS a suitable dinner to serve on a weekly basis
Now with that being said, putting your child (job, spouse, friends, etc) before yourself all of the time is wrong. I realize that not everyone has a choice to live life this way, but let me shine a little light on this new parenting "trick" that I've recently discovered. This "trick" can be applied to many situations in life, but for the purpose of this post and based off of my life, I'm going to be posting as a mom to my kids but that by no means rules out anyone who isn't a parent!
It's called BEING SELFISH.
Whoaaaaa, did I really just say that?! YES.
Think about it this way: You have two empty cups. One on the left is you and the one of the right signifies something in your life (kids, spouse, job, etc). Now, pick up the cup on the left and pour everything that is in it into the cup on the right. Seems pointless, right? The same thing applies to life. How can you pour encouragement into your children and make a positive impact on their lives if you've got nothing left to give?
Just a few of the reasons that I condone Selfish Parenting:
1. Is the fact that you didn't let your child eat the last candy bar that they just asked for because you've been looking forward to inhaling it in peace after they go to bed going to affect their life in the long run? I don't think so. But will it affect yours? Abso-feckin-lutely. I mean, maybe you had already snuck into the pantry earlier that day and demolished that piece of candy because you were feeling overwhelmed and needed something that was just for you. Sometimes the only thing that helps us make it through the day as a parent is knowing that there is a little treat waiting for us once we're alone. And that's okay. Because in my opinion, sneaking a small pleasure when you get the chance makes you a better person.
2. Because in what way, shape or form is being short with your child(ren), yelling at them or not wanting to be around them because you're exhausted helpful to them in shaping their future. Treating your child(ren) in this way (whether on purpose or unintentionally) only teaches them that they're unimportant or are annoying to you- which I am sure isn't the cause. I know that most parents wake up, rush around to get things around for their day. Drop the kids off at school and day care, head into their stressful job, leave at the end of the day, pick up your child(ren), take them home, feed them, homework, bathe them and then put them so sleep. For stay at home parents, your schedule may look a little different, but just as exhausting. At what point are you supposed to take some time for yourself to relax and unwind? What if your little one has a nightmare or your sleep training child is refusing to sleep? But it is SO essential to make sure that you take some time for yourself where you're not worrying about bills or the kids and their needs or work. I don't care if you have to fake having diarrhea when your significant other gets home just so you can hide out in the bathroom (with a bottle of wine that your strategically placed in there before you S/O got home) for some R&R.
3. SLEEP TRAINING! I know that there are people who think that letting your child cry it out is neglectful and that it will make your child hate bed time. I
cannot tell you how many times I've heard this statement argued:
But I am here to tell you that done correctly, it is heaven on earth.
I am VERY aware of the controversy associated with this topic, but this is just my personal experience with Selfish Parenting. I have successfully sleep trained my son who is now almost 20 months and am in the process of training my 8 month old. She's a little more stubborn than my son was, but well get there eventually. But I am someone who NEEDS alone time and since becoming a mother, that time is few and far between. Not even while using the restroom or showering. So, for me, when the kids go to bed that time is MINE. I don't care if I have to stay up until midnight to get a few moments to myself, I am willing to do that because ME TIME is a necessity to my sanity. Boundaries are important and there's no harm in instilling them in your children while they're still young.
I have heard quite a few mothers say, "My kids are the best reason to lose sleep". Cool. I'm glad that works for you. But for me, making sure that my children can put themselves to sleep and are able to stay asleep is important to me. I also make sure that after a certain age, my kids sleep in their own beds as well. I am covered in babies and baby's messes all day, I need to make sure that when night time comes, I am able to unwind and have something to
myself.
As some of my readers are new, I'll give a little recap on my story: My husband (J) and I tried to have children for 5 years, we tried everything, but due to me being diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) we were told that I was infertile. So with that information along with some personal issues we had been having, we decided to get a divorce after 5years of marriage. Well, one night I decided that it was a good idea to stop over to J's house and lo' and behold, we conceived our son. (Life is funny like that, isn't it?). We decided to get back together for the sake of the baby (Cause that always works out, right? Lol) While I was pregnant, we moved a few times due to J's job. We ended up In Las Vegas, NV around delivery time. Well, as to expect given our circumstance, we fell on rough times again in our relationship. We decided that we were better off as friends and to go our own ways. But then we found out that only 4 months postpartum, I was expecting again.
After the completely normal stages of shock, we still decided that not being together is what would be best for the babies. So my my son and I moved back to Michigan and J stayed in Vegas due to his job being too amazing to leave. So since being 10 weeks pregnant and my son being 5 months old, its really just been the 3 of us. While J still fully supports us financially, that means that he isn't around to help out with the day to day needs of the kids. My daughter was born early, so I had a newborn as well as an 11 month old. J came back as frequently as he could, but that wasn't very often. So I was run pretty ragged, always putting my babies first. My daughter also had tummy issued which caused her to scream non stop. I was at my wits end. Well, recently I have been afforded to luxury of J moving back to Michigan temporarily and therefore I am able to have a little more "me time" and OH MY GOSH! I feel like a million bucks. Most of my alone time usually consists of being able to shower alone or being able to stay in bed for an extra hour or so on occasion. But it helps SO much. Me time doesn't have to be all day or cost money. Sometimes its just knowing that after the kids are in bed, you'll get a moment to watch your favorite show on Netflix or to have a glass of wine in a real wine glass instead of taking just a swig or two out of the bottle because you know that you wont get the time to sit down and finish a glass.
"There's a saying that goes, "You can't treat people like shit and then expect them to love you." That applies to yourself also. You can't neglect yourself, your appearance, you hobbies or your needs and then expect to be happy with yourself.
I am not here to tell you how to live your life or that what worked for me is going to work for you. But what I am telling you is that it IS possible to love your kids, to love your life and to love yourself all at the same time!
So with that being said, today is a clean slate, the first day of a new year. Take 2016 and make it great. Make it something to be proud of and in the end, make sure that you love yourself and BE A PROUD SELFISH PARENT.
