#SelfieGame

So, as I’ve been in quite rare form over the last week (probably due to sleep deprivation. I’ve got 2 teething children in my house at the moment) and everything annoys me, I’ve come to notice just how irritating and cliché selfies are! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I take and post a good selfie of myself every now and then. But let’s get real. The world does not need to see 10-15 pictures a week of your poorly self tanned face, horribly lined eyes and drawn on eyebrows while sporting duck lips.

AIN’T NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. 

                

I’ve had women (and men) respond to my comments about this with, “You may not post lots of pictures of yourself, but you post a million and twelve of your kids”. Uh, yeah? 

They’re a MILLION times more adorable than you and your face.

While I wish that I could just copy and paste some pretty hilarious selfies that I’ve seen there’s apparently something called “Plagiarism” that makes it illegal. So my friends and I took some time out of our days to recreate some of my “favorite” selfies ever

1. “IM BATMAN! I couldn’t remember what color his light stick was, so I just grabbed this one! #Nerd #Batman #ImSuchANerd” also known as “I saw this shirt lying around so I decided to put it on and act like I know who it is and since a light saber is also sci-fi, they have to go together, right?”

2. “Oh my gawd. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. Im SO ugly. No one is even going to comment. #HotMess #IReallyWannaLose3Pounds” aka “I need attention so you all need to ‘like’ and comment telling me to shut up and how gorgeous I am”

(Best Friend, Kimberi Cron)

3. “Basic betches be jealous of my brow game. #EyebrowsSoFleek”. Honey, did you and your brow liner get into a fight? Those aren't brows, they’re more like caterpillars. ****

 

(My Munchkin, Wren Alizabeth)

4. “I seriously am 100% about my kids. I mean, look at me, I’m a mess because my kids get all of my attention. Seriously. They are so lucky to have me. #TheBestMomEver #MomOfTheYear” Maybe if you spent less time taking selfies and captioning with how great of a mother you are, you might actually become that mother.

5. “I’m such a mess. #IWokeUpLikeThis #NoMakeup #NaturalBeauty” Let me help reception that for you, “I just spent 3 hours getting ready but I would die if you all knew that because I want you all to think that I don’t have to work for it like all the rest of you basic betches.”

(Jessica Beamgard of Jessica Beamgard Photography)

6. “Seriously, you guys. I’m so glad that Christ died to save me! #ProudChristian #ILoveJesus” or as I like to call it, “I want to show you my ta-tas but I’d rather not be considered a slut, so I’ll name drop Christ.”

7. “Bae always trying to take pictures of me! #ILoveHim #HesSoFunny #TogetherForever”. Let’s try “I couldn’t be more pathetic. #ForeverAlone”.

8. “Screw ‘No Shave November’ #RealMenGrowBeards #SheWantsTheB”. Uhhhhhhhhh, no she doesn’t. ****

(My Other Munchkin, Daegan James)

9. This one isn’t a common selfie as much as it happens, to even the best of us, and we're always like, “Hey there, Fat Albert!”

10. “Just hanging out, being goofy. #SillySelfie #BurningTime” when actually we all know that you’re guts are currently falling out. I mean, come on. Who is on the toilet just to pee and decides to snap a picture? No one. You’re doing it because you’ve been there awhile and you’re boreddddd. Shower curtain gave you away, Sweetie.

11. “Hard Core! #GymRat #PumpingIron” How about, “I’m just here to take selfies while holding this weight thingy.”

12. “Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. #BeBeautifulOnTheInside #BeYourOwnKindOfBeautiful”  Ummmm, what does that have anything to do with this photo of your flat ass that you’re trying to pop out to make it look like you have a booty but we all know you in real life and know that’s a lie? Stop trying to hide your low IQ with some philosophical quote and a pretty face.

13. “I haven’t posted a picture in awhile. So, well, here’s one. #NeededANewSelfie” I’ll just go ahead and reception this one with “#IClearlyDontKnowHowToOperateMyFrontFacingCamera” because seriously, what’s the point of a selfie if you can’t see your self in it?!

(My Awesome Friend, Valerie Rhein)

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, Mombies, what are some of your pet peeve selfies? Tag me in your mocks on instagram and you just might be featured in our next #SelfieGame!

***No children were harmed in the making of this blog post

A Balanced Diet Is A Cupcake in Each Hand {Celebrity Post}

My name is Mindy and I am a certified personal trainer and group exercise instructor.  When you read that you probably already got an image in your head what I may look like.  Well she is a personal trainer; she must be thin, lots of muscles, and very in shape.  Not necessarily.  Why you ask?  I have an addiction……..It’s called FOOOOD!  And no I am not talking about “food” like veggies and salads.  I am talking about a big ‘ol fat juicy steak or hamburger, with a side of onion rings and finished off with a big ‘ol piece of cheesecake…………. Or any cake will do.    

 

I will get on a kick; I am going to eat clean.  I have many fitness friends that “eat clean” all the time.  They rave about it, “I love clean eating!”  I on the other hand am taking a bite of my tuna with lettuce and tomato and all I can think is “these people are complete morons!  Do they love clean eating because they have never tasted real food before?!”

It is one of the hardest things to do.  It’s a lot of work, a lot of dedication, a lot of extra preparation time.  I get tired just thinking about it.  It’s great to see the results but come on…………

Seriously one of the hardest things for me is trying to eat healthy meals and still serve meals my whole family will eat.  It just doesn’t happen.  I will end up making two separate meals for the day.  I feel like a little kid being punished for misbehaving, when I sit down to the table with a grilled chicken salad and my family is eating a big greasy piece of pizza.

So obviously that doesn’t work well for me.  The next thing I tell myself is, “well why don’t you eat healthy meals twice a day and then just eat whatever for dinner?!?!”  It’s better than not eating healthy at all right? WRONG!!! Well for me at least.  I do so well all day and then it’s like…………….. Give me everything that I didn’t eat all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what’s a girl to do?  Really?  Be unhappy and eat rabbit food, or get so obese that I cannot get out of my bed?  Neither is an option for me.  You are not going to see me on the next episode of My 600-lb Life!!! That’s why I am constantly at the gym.  Sometimes, lately, twice a day.  I have come to the realization that I will never look like Jillian Michaels or Kate Upton, but I will be the best version of me that’s possible!  If my husband loves me like I am, and if I can love me for me, well then I am one happy girl.  These are some of the jokes at our house…………

 

  

In all seriousness, you can’t just eat whatever you want and be healthy.  But you can also make lifestyle changes that give you the opportunity to indulge in those foods you like.  You can eat whole grain bread instead of white bread, brown rice instead of white rice, turkey bacon instead of regular bacon……….WHAT??  Ok, never touch the bacon……….. That’s just one of those foods you eat and like it because it’s NOT HEALTHY!  So forget about it.

 

My favorite story is when a lady borrowed my calico bean recipe.  It has hamburger, bacon, five kinds of beans, brown sugar, and white sugar......... you name it and it’s in there.  And it’s delicious!  We arrive at her house and she says “I made your beans, but I made them healthy, but they don’t seem to taste the same.  Maybe you can try them and tell me what I did wrong?”  I had to stand there and gag down the worst tasting beans ever, and then politely say “Some foods just taste good because they are not healthy.  Period.” 

So as for me, I will enjoy the foods I want.  I will not enjoy them all the time, but in moderation.  I will instruct others on how to take care of their bodies, and I will give them information on what their bodies need, but I will never tell them not to enjoy what they like.  If you want a chocolate bar one day…… give it to yourself.  If you are at the point in your life that you are actually worrying about it, well you probable deserve one now and then.

 

So if you are struggling with your diet, I encourage you……….. Love yourself and don’t deprive yourself.  Portion control and moderation, that’s the key.  If you want that occasional glass of wine; go for it.  Stay active, go for a walk, and go to a boot camp class (which I teach btw).  There are ways to take care of yourself without being unhappy.  Check out my website www.meformefitness.com or visit me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/meformefitnesswithmindy . I can give you advice on what changes you can make and still be a happy girl (or guy).  Just remember to love yourself.  It’s the only version of you that you can have in this life.  When you learn to love yourself, you will then learn how to better yourself. 

 

Before I am done, one more fact about bacon…………….