How Eating A Candy Bar Made Me A Better Person

“Anyone can have a child and call themselves a “parent”. A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants."

And right here and now, I call BULLSHITTTTTTT.

Lets start this blog off by posting a few parenting basics:

1. No two children are parented the same way
2. Each parent has the right to choose what the best way to raise their child is
3. Pizza IS a suitable dinner to serve on a weekly basis

Now with that being said, putting your child (job, spouse, friends, etc) before yourself all of the time is wrong. I realize that not everyone has a choice to live life this way, but let me shine a little light on this new parenting "trick" that I've recently discovered. This "trick" can be applied to many situations in life, but for the purpose of this post and based off of my life, I'm going to be posting as a mom to my kids but that by no means rules out anyone who isn't a parent!

It's called BEING SELFISH.

Whoaaaaa, did I really just say that?! YES.

Think about it this way: You have two empty cups. One on the left is you and the one of the right signifies something in your life (kids, spouse, job, etc). Now, pick up the cup on the left and pour everything that is in it into the cup on the right. Seems pointless, right? The same thing applies to life. How can you pour encouragement into your children and make a positive impact on their lives if you've got nothing left to give?

Just a few of the reasons that I condone Selfish Parenting:

1. Is the fact that you didn't let your child eat the last candy bar that they just asked for because you've been looking forward to inhaling it in peace after they go to bed going to affect their life in the long run? I don't think so. But will it affect yours? Abso-feckin-lutely. I mean, maybe you had already snuck into the pantry earlier that day and demolished that piece of candy because you were feeling overwhelmed and needed something that was just for you. Sometimes the only thing that helps us make it through the day as a parent is knowing that there is a little treat waiting for us once we're alone. And that's okay. Because in my opinion, sneaking a small pleasure when you get the chance makes you a better person.

2. Because in what way, shape or form is being short with your child(ren), yelling at them or not wanting to be around them because you're exhausted helpful to them in shaping their future. Treating your child(ren) in this way (whether on purpose or unintentionally) only teaches them that they're unimportant or are annoying to you- which I am sure isn't the cause. I know that most parents wake up, rush around to get things around for their day. Drop the kids off at school and day care, head into their stressful job, leave at the end of the day, pick up your child(ren), take them home, feed them, homework, bathe them and then put them so sleep. For stay at home parents, your schedule may look a little different, but just as exhausting. At what point are you supposed to take some time for yourself to relax and unwind? What if your little one has a nightmare or your sleep training child is refusing to sleep? But it is SO essential to make sure that you take some time for yourself where you're not worrying about bills or the kids and their needs or work. I don't care if you have to fake having diarrhea when your significant other gets home just so you can hide out in the bathroom (with a bottle of wine that your strategically placed in there before you S/O got home) for some R&R. 

3. SLEEP TRAINING! I know that there are people who think that letting your child cry it out is neglectful and that it will make your child hate bed time. I

cannot tell you how many times I've heard this statement argued:

But I am here to tell you that done correctly, it is heaven on earth. 

I am VERY aware of the controversy associated with this topic, but this is just my personal experience with Selfish Parenting. I have successfully sleep trained my son who is now almost 20 months and am in the process of training my 8 month old. She's a little more stubborn than my son was, but well get there eventually. But I am someone who NEEDS alone time and since becoming a mother, that time is few and far between. Not even while using the restroom or showering. So, for me, when the kids go to bed that time is MINE. I don't care if I have to stay up until midnight to get a few moments to myself, I am willing to do that because ME TIME is a necessity to my sanity. Boundaries are important and there's no harm in instilling them in your children while they're still young.

I have heard quite a few mothers say, "My kids are the best reason to lose sleep". Cool. I'm glad that works for you. But for me, making sure that my children can put themselves to sleep and are able to stay asleep is important to me. I also make sure that after a certain age, my kids sleep in their own beds as well. I am covered in babies and baby's messes all day, I need to make sure that when night time comes, I am able to unwind and have something to

myself. 

As some of my readers are new, I'll give a little recap on my story: My husband (J) and I tried to have children for 5 years, we tried everything, but due to me being diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) we were told that I was infertile. So with that information along with some personal issues we had been having, we decided to get a divorce after 5years of marriage. Well, one night I decided that it was a good idea to stop over to J's house and lo' and behold, we conceived our son. (Life is funny like that, isn't it?). We decided to get back together for the sake of the baby (Cause that always works out, right? Lol) While I was pregnant, we moved a few times due to J's job. We ended up In Las Vegas, NV around delivery time. Well, as to expect given our circumstance, we fell on rough times again in our relationship. We decided that we were better off as friends and to go our own ways. But then we found out that only 4 months postpartum, I was expecting again. 

After the completely normal stages of shock, we still decided that not being together is what would be best for the babies. So my my son and I moved back to Michigan and J stayed in Vegas due to his job being too amazing to leave. So since being 10 weeks pregnant and my son being 5 months old, its really just been the 3 of us. While J still fully supports us financially, that means that he isn't around to help out with the day to day needs of the kids. My daughter was born early, so I had a newborn as well as an 11 month old. J came back as frequently as he could, but that wasn't very often. So I was run pretty ragged, always putting my babies first. My daughter also had tummy issued which caused her to scream non stop. I was at my wits end.  Well, recently I have been afforded to luxury of J moving back to Michigan temporarily and therefore I am able to have a little more "me time" and OH MY GOSH! I feel like a million bucks. Most of my alone time usually consists of being able to shower alone or being able to stay in bed for an extra hour or so on occasion. But it helps SO much. Me time doesn't have to be all day or cost money. Sometimes its just knowing that after the kids are in bed, you'll get a moment to watch your favorite show on Netflix or to have a glass of wine in a real wine glass instead of taking just a swig or two out of the bottle because you know that you wont get the time to sit down and finish a glass.

"There's a saying that goes, "You can't treat people like shit and then expect them to love you." That applies to yourself also. You can't neglect yourself, your appearance, you hobbies or your needs and then expect to be happy with yourself. 

I am not here to tell you how to live your life or that what worked for me is going to work for you. But what I am telling you is that it IS possible to love your kids, to love your life and to love yourself all at the same time!

So with that being said, today is a clean slate, the first day of a new year. Take 2016 and make it great. Make it something to be proud of and in the end, make sure that you love yourself and BE A PROUD SELFISH PARENT.

Mombie Bun Confession #1

We're all sleep deprived.

We all wear mom buns.

We all need an outlet.

So, recently we've branched out onto social media- Instagram:

@MombieBunConfession

((Head on over there and give us a "follow"))

For today's post, it only seems appropriate that we share some of the confessions that we've had submitted by our fellow mombies from all over the world! We will also be featuring their IG names, so if you like their confession, feel free to look them up and give them a "follow"!

Mombie Bun Confession from @msjasonmiller : ||the higher the bun the closer to heaven therefore better the mom, it's a scientific fact ||

Mombie Bun Confession from @sarahyostie : When my husband watches our twin girls while I go run errands, I tell him I'll hurry back. But really I take my time. I mean, really take my time. I get McDonalds, park somewhere and eat it. ALONE. QUIET. In peace and with no interruption. 

Mombie Bun Confession from @jess_indykenlee : Ok I think I'm more excited about The big red man coming then my little twin is!

Mombie Bun Confession from @aliciamariewallace : I always said I would never be that SAHM who didn't wear makeup & wore pjs all day. Reality check: now I only put on makeup if I'm leaving the house & totally consider leggings as pants. Lesson learned! Don't judge motherhood til you've been there

Mombie Bun Confession from @shayheff1 : I drink wine in the shower

Mombie Bun Confession from @tjd87 : I tel my kids they can't have a cookie because it's 8am. And when they're not looking I scarf down three or four

Mombie Bun Confession from @raising_acamas : I sometimes pretend I have to go to the bathroom to get away but my baby always finds me d:

Mombie Bun Confession from @beauty_by_jd : Sometimes I take the last snack or piece of candy and hide from the kids in the bathroom! Lol. 

Don't worry! No one in judging you here!

HUGE shout out to all of ournMombies for the submissions of their photos and confessions!

*Think you'd like to be featured?

Tag us in your photo @MombieBunConfession or DM us your photo and confession or email them to us at Wiles.Kailei@gmail.com!

Are You Plucking Kidding Me?!

For anyone who knows me, they know that one (of many) things that drive me CRAZY are poorly shaped brows. Seriously. Think of them this way, eyebrows are to the eyes what a push up bra is the tatas. Poor bra? You'll have saggy yabos. Poor brows? You'll have saggy eyes.

RULE#1: Eyebrows should ALWAYS have hair. ALWAYS.

Because "I love your drawn-on eyebrows, They look so natural!", has been said by no one. Ever.

Lets face it, eyebrows speak louder than words. They are SO important. Plus, they're so easy to maintain. Eyebrows are the one thing on a woman’s, nay, a person’s body that can be kept in shape without exercising. 

But you have to be careful. Because as much as you want to make sure they're not too thin (the thinner the brow, the crazier the woman), you also want to make sure that they're not too thick either. But if you've got it, flaunt it. There have been some pretty famous icons who rocked their naturally thick brows:

Audrey Hepburn

Keira Knightley

Jennifer Connelly

 Lily Collins

But ladies, I am here to tell you that if you don't have naturally thick brows, please PLEASE do not COLOR them in to "appear" so. Because THIS is how ridiculous it looks:

WE CAN SEE YOUR REAL BROWS UNDERNEATH!

So Stop. Just stop.

Because I am really starting to worry about the future generations... Case and POINT

THIS girl is receiving compliments on her brows?! 

YES, I understand that I do not have the best brows ever. Would it hurt me to shade them in a bit when I do my makeup? Probably not. But at least I try my best to keep them groomed and as close to the same shape as possible. Keeping in mind that eyebrows are more like sisters than twins.

If you walk away from reading this blog and can only remember one thing (please don't let it be the hot dog Ariel), let it be THIS:

Don't let ANYONE with bad eyebrows tell you SHIT about life!

Oh, and for the heck of it, here are some celebrities without their eyebrows

I used to be the perfect parent... and then I had kids.

You know what really tweaks my melons? 

When someone tells me how raise MY kids.

 In particular, when the parent's own children act like the spawn of Satan.

But my absolute favorite parents are the ones without kids. Yup, you read that correctly. I try to take their advice with a grain of salt because in my past life, I was QUEEN of kid-less parenting. I had a solution to every issue you could possible encounter as a parent. Ask anyone, I was the BEST.

• Your child was acting out? 

1. Take their toys away.
2. Swat them on the rear
3. (Age dependent) Give them chores

• If your children didn't listen, it was because you weren't being consistent enough

To me, there was NO excuse to have a child that didn't mind well. I don't know if it was the way I was raised (tough love) or if it was because I knew how I wanted my children to act and I thought all children responded the same way to a certain type of discipline. I thought that if you didn't spank your child, you were being too soft on them. I mean, spanking worked so well on my hypothetical children, so why wouldn't it work on your human kids? Sheesh.

Then the good Lord blessed me with a real live baby.... And not only did he bless with me a baby, but he blessed me with two... 11 months apart. And boy, LET ME TELL YOU.

My first one, a boy, had gastric issues. No one would listen to me, so he screamed A LOT as a baby. Eventually he outgrew them and he weaned himself off of the bottle at 9 months. He is a VERY head strong little boy. He learned to sit up at 3 months, to stand at 6 months and was running by 9. His mind is still always developing faster than his little body is. Therefore, we aren't strangers to melt downs. I like to call them his "Disney princess" moments. 

He climbs on everything. He gets into everything. He watches me do something once (like open the child lock on medications) and he can do it himself immediately afterwards. This child is going to be the death of me because he IS going to give me a heart attack. 

D has a combination of mine and his father's worst traits: my "You can tell me this is going to end badly, but I have to experience it for myself" and his dad's adrenaline seeking gene. So, needless to say, D has to climb and fall, open and get in trouble, get into and make a mess of something 9 or 10 times before he believes that it isn't going to work out or that he will consistently be disciplined. THEN, to top all of that off, he responds negatively to negative punishment. IT LITERALLY DOESN'T WORK. So, my entire "guide to being the perfect parent" is about as useful as a giving a steak to a vegetarian. 

Don't even get me started on my daughter. My hypothetical daughter was always dressed up in a cute outfit. complete with a matching headband and shoes. She had her ears pierced and always her toe nails painted. Now, my real life, human daughter, well, she has NONE of those things. Mainly because I am terrified to take her out in public. 

Why, you might ask? Dear Lord have mercy... She screams NON STOP. I have done everyyyythingggggg- Massages, chiropractor, acid meds, teething meds, colic meds, changing formula (soy and hypoallergenic), changing her diaper brand, wipes, etc. NOTHING WORKS. 

Being an amazing hypothetical parent really set me up to fail when it came to doing the real thing.

So I'm here to tell you a few of the things no one tells someone who is about to become a parent.

-NO, birth is NOT a beautiful thing. Its oozy and goozy and your  postpartum belly will feel like a waterbed 

-NO you will not instantly forget all of the pain you just went through when you see their little face 

-If your child claims it, its theirs. It doesn't matter that it was your last bite, only bite, favorite food. 

-Think of the most annoying song you've ever heard, that's now all your child wants to listen to

-Basically, YOUR CHILD(REN) OWN YOUUUUUU

- Oh, and HIDE EVERYTHING BECAUSE....

And possibly the most important piece of information you can be given as a parent:

Bad days happen. 

You'll get frustrated more than normal, the kids will act out when you are the store, some days only think you will be able to get them to eat will be string cheese and fruit snacks.... But that doesn't make you a bad Mombie.  REPEAT AFTER ME: 

"I am a good Mombie (or Dadcula) and I'm just having a bad day." 

End of story. 

Just to prove you're not alone, I'm adding a hilarious video I stumbled a crossed that shows the inner dialog of parents most days from The Gabbie Show on YouTube

I like to ask myself a question towards the end of the day, every day. "Did I love you enough today?" and if I can't honestly answer that question with a strong "yes", then I spend the rest of my night dedicated to my kids. It doesn't matter that I meant to spend that time washing dishes, folding laundry, watching my shows, playing on my phone to relax- that time is now for my kids. 

I NEVER want them to think that I am too busy to get on the floor and rough house with them, to have a tea party with them, to simply sit down and watch a show or give them my undivided attention without my phone in my hand.

And last but not least, here's a tip for the future that you can thank me for later:

So basically, teach your children how to to make a mean cocktail starting a young age, like 2. You'll have your own personal bartender AND it will also look good on their future resumes.

You're welcome.

How I think you should raise your child(ren)

I’ve noticed that there has been quite a bit of controversy lately over how a person should or should not raise their child(ren).  I’m not sure if that’s the way it’s always been and I’m just noticing it now because I have children or if it is a newer topic. But either way, here is how I feel you should raise your children:

ANY WAY YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.

As long as your child(ren) are well and safe, who is someone else to say that your way is wrong?

I grew up with a very strong willed and narrow minded mother, which was both a blessing and a curse. She was decisive and always got what she wanted and needed. But the curse came out when it came for her children (my parent have 8) to form an opinion of their own, because that wasn’t allowed. We were raised in more of an old fashioned way. We were brought up with strong Christian rules and that was just the way it was. My mother stayed at home with us children; she also was a home birth midwife who 100% stood behind breastfeeding. She was anti vaccination, anti sugar, anti caffeine, anti pants, anti bathing suits, anti public schools, (catching my drift?) which led to raising some very narrow minded children.

I was the worst. I went along with her beliefs blindly because that was the way I was brought up. I didn’t have children of my own yet, of course. So when my older sister became a mom in high school, I thought it was the end of the world for her. When my next sister drank caffeine while pregnant, had her baby IN A HOSPITAL with an epidural and then later on decided to use formula, oh my gosh, I couldn’t even wrap my head around that.

But then this crazy thing happened, I GOT PREGNANT. And guess what? I drank caffeine during my pregnancy. It was actually “prescribed” to me by my midwife to help with my migraines. I moved out of state at 37 weeks pregnant, so I didn’t get to have my midwife. Not only did I have my son in a HOSPITAL, 18 hours into my 31+ hour labor, I opted for an EPIDURAL (whaaaaaaa?!)!

I have PCOS and endometriosis, which lead to my milk never coming in. So guess who also had to use formula? That’s right, this Mombie. When it came time to vaccinate, I opted out of all of them. Except for the Vitamin K shot, they wouldn’t circumcise him unless he had it. (My parents didn’t circumcise my brothers. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, so I left the decision up to my husband. He’s circumcised so he decided to get our son circumcised as well.) Well, when my son was about 4 months whooping cough was in the area, so after doing my research, I decided to get him the DTAP. When he was 15 months, I decided to get him the MMR because Measles was popping up in the area. Later when my daughter was born, I opted to get her the same vaccines. Now I know that everyone has their own opinions on vaccines and to this day, I am pretty sure that I am the only one of my siblings who has gotten their child(ren) vaccinated so far (I Have 4 siblings, boy and girl, who do not have children yet). And you know what? That’s okay. Because I did what I thought was best for my children and they’re doing what they feel is best for theirs!

Some mombies breastfeed because it’s easier, some might because it’s healthier or maybe because someone told them to. Other mombies use formula because their milk never came in or maybe because it’s easier. Some parents never give their children sugar because they feel that it is unhealthy for them. Some parents see nothing wrong with it in moderation.Some parents vaccinate. Some do not. Some parents dress their children gender specific, others might let their children decide for themselves. Some parents let their children watch TV and play on the internet. Some may allow them only a certain amount of time with electronics or none at all. Some parents might let their babies/ chidren cry it out. Others could think of it as counterproductive to a child’s upbringing and never let their child(ren) cry. Some parents choose to co-sleep while other parents let their child sleep in their own room. Some parents choose to feed their children homemade meals and others feel that fast food, eating out or meals from a box are totally okay.

But the cool thing about all of that is, ITS OKAY TO MAKE THE CHOICE FOR YOUSELF and for YOUR children. 

Do your research and make educated decisions. Make sure your child isn’t being harmed. Make sure your child is healthy and then RAISE THEM AS YOU PLEASE. That’s why they’re your children! If we were all meant to raise our children the same, we would be called “robots” instead of “humans”.

So Mombies (and Dadsters), raise your children how you see fit. But please please PLEASE raise them to be respectable adults capable of making good decisions and bring them up to be a responsible addition to society!

Just do your best and let them go. The rest is up to them!