Exhausted mombie goes WILD.

So, this weekend I had an opportunity to do something that I have gotten to do only a few times since my kids were born—Have baby free time with an adult beverage.

 

But don’t worry. When I go out I am a responsible adult. I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person, and that person, well, she drinks A LOT. 

And what was this lovely place that I was able to escape away to for a few hours with friends? BUD BASH 2015, Betches!

 

It was everything you expected it to be. Hundreds of wasted men and women in hip deep water, toting tubes and coolers behind them; people dancing on the multiple floating stripper poles, taking jello shots from strangers

 

letting strange men blow “titty glitter” on your chest in exchange for an ass grab. All while a double decker boat (courtesy of Bud Light) was blaring all of today’s top hits so loud, you could barely think. It was amazing.

Two hands+two drinks= common sense
Two hands+Four drinks= well, that's just genius.

 

Some of the highlights were:

- When this lovely gentleman decided to slap my phone out of my hand as I walked by, screaming at me, “YOUR PHONE ISN’T WATER PROOF!”… Like he was doing me a favor. My consolation prize? A phone full of water.

-Walking face first into woman’s naked breast. Like, I couldn’t have motor boated her any harder if I had intentionally tried.

-Standing next to someone and all of a sudden feeling the water go warm

-Not being used to eating fast food and mowing down on McDonald’s before heading out on the water where there was no rest room and having to actively clench your butthole to keep it from throwing up. (I’m obviously telling this part of the story for a friend………….)

-When I had to tell my family the next day at my Grandparents’ 50^th wedding anniversary party that I had converted to Hinduism to spare them the “drunk me thought it was a great idea to stick a diamond to the middle of my forehead for no less than a few hours because I thought I looked cool” because of the lovely tan line.

 

-Shooting beer bongs in front of the SHERRIF. Cause she’s a Bad Betchhhhh

 

 

Sounds incredible, right?

Now onto the real story: THE RECOVERY.

 

While most of you are probably just assuming that I am referring to a hangover (and most of the people who where there had that issue, I’m sure), but for me, it was the SLEEP. Two days later and I still haven’t recovered. Truthfully, I probably never will. Now, before you tell me to stop being so dramatic, I want you to understand where I am coming from. While I love my kids, they always are able to sense when this mombie needs more time to herself....and then they decide to do me the favor of taking a break from our daily routine to spaz out.

 

My kids have never slept worse in their lives. Like, seriously. My children consistently are in by 8:30 pm and sleep in until 7:30am. (I’m spoiled, I know. But for the sake of the blog, read my story and feel sorry for me.) But between the both of them, I don’t think I have slept for more than an hour at a time since my “day out”. 

Since day one, my kids have never napped at the same time. I’ll bet that you’re now waiting for me to say, “until today” and I so so so wish that I was about to, but I’m not. Not only have do they not take naps at the same time, but they’ve both decided to boycott them all together. Earlier I was so tired, I had an actual hallucination.

Wanna know who I saw? Noah Calhoun (yes, I know that’s not his real name. But I liked his role in that movie and it physically makes me sick that he isn’t a real person). And he whispered sweet nothings in my ear

I almost fell for it, Ryan, I almost did.

I once heard something that stuck with me, “The hardest part about being a mom is knowing that I have to keep another human being alive.”  Seems like common sense, right? Well, its not always. Some days you just wanna be selfish and tell your 14 month old, "No, we're not waking up yet" or "Mommy is watching her show right now and is too lazy to get up, could you change your sister?"

 

I woke up this morning thinking

 And then I remembered, "Oh, wait. That’s how we got here in the first place."  Then I go on a search for some coffee, just to see that my sister doesn't have grounds OR filters. What kind of person lets their coffee run out?

THE WORST KIND.

 

And while I know that I'm not alone in being a single mombie who just wants a moment, a day or a shower to themselves, its a hard choice to make even when you  are given an opportunity to take some time off. Because its just so hard to know how long its going to take to recover. But take it, girl. You deserve some time off. Even if its just to paint your toe nails in SILENCE.

Oh yeah, before I forget, when I was talking to Channing Tatum earlier, he said to give you a personal message:

 

Kids are finally asleep so,

 

Mombie OUT!